I just came off a large project in which I felt engaged body and soul for over a year. Finally some time to think and create something else. Finally, here is the time to skip and jump and let my imagination take over.
It is difficult nevertheless, once the commitment to complete a project is no longer there, to recuperate the wealth of ideas that entered my mind during that time. When you are blessed with a fertile imagination or an affluence of ideas and you are limited in their expression either by convention or because you are fulfilling a contract or because of lack time, the release of all these ideas can be quite mind boggling. Several opportunities and routes suddenly open up and choosing between all these alternatives can be quite paralyzing and cause much anxiety.
I find myself in such a period right now. Although I am so so happy to be free to starts a multitude of new projects, I am not sure which one to pick, which one to concentrate on. The easiest way out is to not paint and use the lack of time as the perfect excuse.
Instead I choose to meditate and try to choose instinctively, intuitively between options and especially, to keep on painting and writing everyday. I am trying, as best I can, not to let other people influence my artistic journey. I like to work on several projects at the same time which permits me to work on what I feel like doing every day and lets my mind resolve problems without overload. The challenge is to complete projects. I think a lot of artists are in this predicament.
After having this large project occupy my mind, literally squatting in my mind for over a year, I feel very excited at the freedom to create right now. As I tried, over the past several months to complete small projects as a distraction from the famous mural, my mind kept on wrestling subconsciously with ideas and dilemmas, with artistic questions, with technical problems. Now that I have some time to find answers or to experiment on paper, I find myself frustrated with the lack of time and the lack of energy that I am experiencing, by the choices that must be made, by the limits that are imposed on me.
So many ideas and concepts that want to explode on canvas. At the same time, fear of failure must be conquered. Since all these ideas and concepts seem quite perfect in my mind, it is a real challenge to put it to canvas and see it come together. The process, while being very exciting is also anxiety ridden. We must fight this anxiety every day if we want to continue on our journey and see at least a portion of what we imagine become reality.