Finally, my website is ready !

 After a few years of preparation and research and three intensive months of study and programming, at last, it is ready. Probably not perfect but I’m proud of it.

Follow the link: http://suzannebelair.com

 

Reflections on the death of a friendship

“Friend”: a person attached to another by respect or affection. This is a pretty broad definition; what do we expect from our friends? How do we both contribute to each other’s life?  What do we want to give our friends? Undying love and affection, to be a friend is to be there when it is important, great joys or sorrows should bring friends together to share the good as well as the bad parts of life, to share life. Even if it is also true that different friends bring different things to the table, the general idea is that we want to grow old together, and we want to keep the connection alive for as long as possible.

So what do you do when a long friendship and one you used to consider important, is slowly dying? What do you do when you see what is happening but the friend in question does not want to make the efforts necessary to reanimate or continue the friendship? When you have grown so much apart that great joys are not being shared anymore and neither are great sorrows?

Is it a question of expectations? Are we expecting too much of people? Are we expecting them to live by our own standards even when we know they may be way too high for them or simply different?

The guilt associated with losing a friendship or letting it go despite our efforts…. why must we feel guilty if or when things don’t work out? “Guilty”: having committed a breach of conduct, an offence against the law, the feeling of responsibility. But there is no responsibility, there are no reasons to feel guilty when the rules of the game are unwritten and you’re not sure of anything.

Do we want too much out of life? To live to the fullest does not mean the same for everyone and not everybody expects or even wants to live to the fullest. Not everyone knows what it is.  Some people like to settle, settle for a little bit less, settle because they don’t think better even exists.

Should anything be done to save a dying friendship? These thoughts are inhabiting me this morning as I think of good friends, or people we used to consider as such, who are slowing drifting away. Are we too needy in trying to keep them close? Are we attached to an image or an illusion from the past when we want to keep old friends around, old friends that have changed as years went by, old friends that became other different people, people we don’t recognize, people we no longer know. What is the rule that says we have to keep on trying and adapt to changes we don’t like?

Do we even enjoy them at this point is a question to consider. The efforts needed to sustain dying relationships have to be balanced with what these relationships bring to our lives. Not in a selfish kind of way but in a nurturing kind of way. We need to nurture our souls. We need to make sure we protect ourselves against pain if at all possible, and surround ourselves with people and things that bring us some enjoyment.

Even if we live with memories of countless joys and sharing of the past, we have to wonder, should we try to sustain the friendship for the sake of the past or move on with our lives and different outlooks when we’ve grown apart? Should we just mourn the relationship and move on?

Nowadays, people like to move forward and forget the past. The past is the past they say. The future is not here yet. So live the present moment and forget trying to sort out our differences and aloofness and analysing how or why we got here. Move on to the next. But old friends, people that knew you when you were young, are supposed to be important to your life. Although I am not quite sure why this idea really makes any sense… Does it really? It is only an idea like any other idea. An idea planted in our heads by society.

What is the motivation for saving a relic from the past? What are the reasons that push us to try to reconnect with someone who has let a relationship slip to the point of no return? The truth is, for whatever reason, we sometimes let it slip too. We, at one point, made the decision that some friends have changed to the point where there is nothing left in common, nothing real to share, and we don’t want to spend any of our time working on this any more. Do we want to reconnect is the question.

When we don’t feel any deep connection anymore except for what is linking us from the past, when each time we think of them, it is regret and suffering we feel, isn’t it time to move on? Friends should make you feel joyful and happy. You should feel good when you’re about to talk to them, when you think of them, when you are around them.

Friendship is about respect and affection. Why are we upset not to feel any of this anymore? Why be mad at ourselves? We need to accept our feelings. What is surging from our souls is the only truth for us. Friendships need to be nurtured by regular contact, by doing things together, by sharing things together. The truth is some “friends” never fulfill our expectations. Of course they are not there to do so. Not everyone has the same idea of what friendship is about. Not everyone lives by the same values. We all have expectations of how things should play out in relationships and these expectations are based on history, family, experiences, which are different for each and every one of us.

And then there is the idea of living by our inner light and to feel this, deep within our cells. To feel deeply that all of us human beings and other creations are interlinked and part of the same overall consciousness and universal energy, that we should not waste any opportunity to care, to respect others and care about others, to not judge or criticize the behaviour of those we’ve assessed as being not necessarily bad but not up to our standards. Most of all thought, is to not judge ourselves.

It comes down to intention. What is the intention in trying to rekindle a dying friendship? Is it to relieve the feeling of guilt that sometimes takes over our heart or is it to genuinely reach out to our friend? What is the intention? To make ourselves feel good, to make the “friend” feel good? To find out if they care, if it still worth saving? To have a true exchange or only fill the gap of silence temporarily with meaningless words? What is the intention? Is there also some sorrow at the realisation that they don’t need us as much as we need them sometimes?

Let’s focus on the positive

Our six senses are the links between the outside environment and all our inner worlds.

As soon as one of our senses detects a stimuli (smell, sound, taste or other), it sends a message to our brain and a wave of feelings and souvenirs come to the surface of our conscious mind triggering feelings of joy and happiness or sorrow and pain. Almost right away, this takes over our mind as thought this vision from the past was actually what we’re looking at or experiencing right now.

How do we control this and how do we make sure we access files that bring us joy and positive feelings instead of pain, suffering, fear, anger and regret? By using focus and attention. Our immediate environment plays a role in this. It is important to choose to include in our lives people we like and things we enjoy looking at, things that are healthy for our body and mind and for the planet.

Today, let’s start cleaning up our environment physical as well as mental. Let’s start paying  attention to what we want to remember, what we want to retain from our experience here on earth. Let’s focus on the positive and literally transform not only our surroundings but ourselves too in order to move forward building good connections between our senses and our mind.

Let’s choose to create wholesome environments for ourselves, our children and the world.

Painting week-end over

The painting week-end is over and what did I learn that I didn’t know already ? Not much to tell the truth but the refresher was good. Good for my painting and good for the spirit.

These workshop week-ends always end up being such fun and interesting because of people you meet, new connections that are being made and skills that are practiced.

 

Mostly, I retained that light areas should show a lot of contrast and drama while dark areas should be less contrasted but no less dramatic.

 

All in all a motivating week-end after all. The painting is drying right now and will need further adjustment but working under pressure like we did produced an interesting result after all …

 

Awareness of impermanence

I feel very Zen this morning maybe because I got to sleep last night…Life is different when you sleep.

Wonderful day yesterday, had fun with friends at Wildcards exhibit where I put 2 small works and playing with photo album on the net

Creative juices are flowing with new projects taking hold in my mind.

Energy is flowing through me and I am fully aware of the impermanence of everything which makes every second more precious.

I am a vessel through which energy passes from one person to another, from one object to another, from one event to another. Life is an energy dance in which I am a willing participant.

Awareness of the present moment and of the impermanence of all is of vital importance to bring appreciation of everyone and everything around us.

Today I am letting my spirit fully inhabit my body. I will let it stretch to the top of my head, to the tips of my fingers, to the ends of my toes and feel the energy vibration and the warmth if radiates.

Awareness of the present moment and a full realization of impermanence at each instant of our daily life are the keys to love and peace towards one another and the earth and the key to creativity in our lives.

Brand new day

Today is a brand new day. What do I want to do with it?

How do I want to remember it?

I will create wonderful memories of this day. It is up to me to make my day special and maybe even someone else’s.

It is up to me to put the past behind where it belongs and make this new day and the future special.

One block at a time to build a life and correct the course

Enough with insecurities and bad feelings !

I give myself permission to enjoy myself and my day to the fullest.

It is up to me to create a life that is exciting and loving day by day, moment by moment.

Time to move forward and enjoy !!!

Awaken to life

We are right now into the best days of summer, which are few and never last long enough. Although we should feel that each day is excellent since we are alive and breathing  

 

At 6 o’clock this morning, as the sun is going up on the lake, all the birds are active and vocal, the crows especially, are so busy at that time and their screams seem so imperative. And then, there are all the other birds whose names I don’t know that sound so joyous and as though they have to much to communicate. The lake itself seems quiet and peaceful on the surface while so much is going on below. Every now and then, the mouth of a fish comes and kisses the surface in the hope of catching some invisible insect. Afterward, circles disappear from the surface and the water becomes mirror-like again.

 

All this speaks to me of our interconnection to everything alive. As a human being sitting here amongst all this nature, all you feel is at peace and connected to all that activity, all this order. that is all around us, this pulse of life beating so loudly. As a small bird goes from one branch to another, you can feel the plants breathe, you feel gratefulness for being alive and surrounded by all this purpose.

 

And where is my place in all this? It is important to feel part of this universe and not pretend that we are any better or worse than what is surrounding us, to feel peacefulness with our own purpose and place in the order of things. I feel this now, as I sit here this morning.

 

Often, we look at what is around us only to feel deprived or like we lack in something compared to others. Comparisons are not good. There is always some missing element when we make a comparison or judge anyone or any situation. And sometimes, that missing element makes us believe we are lacking somehow. But each person, each animal, each plant has his or her place in the universe, its own important reason for being here now and the best we can wish for is to live that purpose and enjoy life.

 

It is our interconnection to all that surrounds us that makes everything purposeful and brings sense to our life. When you try to attain a goal, it must also include the consequences of attaining it for everything that surrounds you. The objective must be reached with this in mind. For example, if you become a great artist, what are the consequences for people around you, for the people that will enjoy your art, how will they then bring this joy to people around them, how will it change them as a person, as a part of the human race? How will it affect their individual environment but also that of their friends and family or that of anyone they come in contact with? The ripples go on forever.

 

Interconnection and purpose as well as enjoying the moment, living in touch with ourselves to better feel where we are, where we are headed and want to go, this is how we want to live.

 

Back to Painting

Les grenades - A favorite at the exhibit

Back painting thank god! I was starting to despair I would never get back on track but after almost 4 weeks without touching a brush and several nights filled with nightmares, I woke up this morning with spunk and energy and ready to roll. 6 new paintings in the works by the end of the day… not bad at all. My brain had been working on all of this for the last few weeks or so but I was feeling frustrated with the lack of drive and energy. I felt like I couldn’t paint or draw anymore, like I couldn’t figure out how to start a painting. I guess my brain was waiting for the show to end. I took it down on Tuesday afternoon and now, 2 days later, I am creating again.

And so it goes with creativity. You can’t give up. It always springs up at one point.

Relief and excitement are filling my heart. I can’t wait to start the day tomorrow to see how far I’ll get with these new projects.

Creative insecurities

I’m starting to panic that I won’t have everything finished on time for the exhibit and it is a lot to think about, varnishing, framing, publicity, portfolio, signing book. Lots of things to do and so little time and my body is starting to protest being in the same position all day my head bent forward over the work.

I’m not painting joyfully but anxiously, full of insecurities and questions. I’m sure this is slowing me down in the process but I must plough on even if my perspective is completely off I feel.

I must admit that each time I hit a hurdle, the solution manifests itself through inspiration and I get a little break from anxiety. Today, I need a bit of a break and will go out to get some frames. It’s not raining now so it’s good!

I have been told that we have to avoid negative people and I realize a new acquaintance is very negative even if she first seems quite positive on the surface. She told me something the other day that stayed on my mind and even if I don’t want to believe it, my internal critic keeps on pointing his head and it has affected my mood and confidence, especially while I paint. Just a little phrase said in passing by someone I don’t even care about and now I am painting tentatively instead of with confidence. But paint I must and I will no matter what. This is why focus is so important and that you must be able to focus on positive comments instead of negative.

Preparing for a show puts you in a mood of re-doing and re-assessing every decision, even more than my usual questioning. Decisions of color, of texture, of which painting to concentrate on and finish over another one…

I know also that when the odds are shifting in your favour, when all the hard work starts to pay off, when the dominoes start falling in the right direction, when things are starting to fall into place and dreams are being made, a period of insecurity follows. Our internal critic is trying to tell us we don’t deserve it. We notice the negative comments instead of the positive. We feel vulnerable. Vulnerability seems to have replaced frustration.

Success is scary. It builds expectations, from ourselves and from other people as well.

Yet I know deep down that everything is as it should. I keep looking back to the stressful mural time and being afraid of what’s happening now. Yet all is good. All I need is to relax and paint and enjoy the moment. When you’re afraid, all you have to do is live today, this hour, this minute. Bring it down to the now and things will all fall into place. Things will unfold as they must.

Finally ! 2 1/2 weeks to go!

Been painting away most days which kept me away from writing. Here is the poster for my next exhibition that will take place from March 24th to April 12th 2011 at Galerie Espace 127.  I hope to finish in time.